every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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