u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
