Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
