Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize