I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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