Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
