It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I deserve this hangover.
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