Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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