Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
