tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
