How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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