Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
