I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
