Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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