there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm always down for nudity.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
