there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
