I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
