found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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