I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize