You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
