genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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