he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
