My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
