Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
