my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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