I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
