You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
