I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
