Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
