That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
