I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
