You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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