ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Will you blow on my dice?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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