And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
