Im at strip club and am horny
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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