your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
soo... how was my night?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
