Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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