I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
