the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
