I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
