Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
