this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
