You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
