woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
