just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
