I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
