I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
