Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
