since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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