Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
