Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
