She went from zero to smokin in five shots
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
