I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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