I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
