i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
