She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
