There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
