Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
