Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
