I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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