I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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