im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
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