you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
