Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
