Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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