i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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