just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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