i don't like sucking hair
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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