What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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