How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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