While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
