honey bunches of taint.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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