My sheets look like a crime scene.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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