after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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