i permit you to call me
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
