matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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