Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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