You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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