you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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