I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize